Starting Anew

"Your MRI showed an abnormality."

That was a Tuesday in early August of 2010 that changed my entire life. I had been having some neck pain and then some tingling in my extremities over the summer and so my spine specialist had ordered a brain MRI and sent me off to a neurologist. Up to this point in my life I never had any major issues. Just the usual colds, sports injuries, etc. That was the day that would make me start all over though. The doctor showed me the lesion on my brain and discussed possibilities like Lyme's disease, blows to the head, and the most dreaded two letters I have ever heard, MS. Multiple Sclerosis.

Like most people thinking about MS my first thought was that I was a healthy, vibrant, 34 year old who was active and definitely NOT sick. MS was something sick people got. I admit I had no clue the causes or outcomes of such a chronic disease.

At the time my wife, who was about 4 months pregnant, had been out of town at a conference. I called her and told her the outcome of my visit and the plans to investigate more about what might be the cause. That first day I was OK. However as my wife tells the story, each night that she spoke with me she could tell I was growing ever more concerned. You see the beauty of all that information the web puts at our finger tips is that when it's possible bad news it can really set your mind racing. By the time she returned home at the end of the week I was beginning to spiral into anxiety and panic. Over the course of the next few weeks the panic and anxiety grew and grew. The funny thing about wondering about a neurological disorder like MS is that it's symptoms almost exactly can mimic anxiety. I was convinced I had the worst form of MS, progressive MS, which often leads to paralysis and possibly death within a few years. I remember vividly though the first time I read an MS society slogan: Keep Moving. You see the big fear with MS is paralysis as your disease progresses.  More on that to come.

Test after test and visits to multiple doctors kept ruling out all of the other "good" possibilities and left only a waiting game revolving around MS. I visited a general counselor to help with the anxiety to no avail. I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't eating right, and I could not focus at work. I took a few days off to try and get my mind right. I was constantly clawing at my extremities to make sure I could still feel them. Then one morning my wife awoke to find me curled up on the floor in our office shaking and crying. It was then that we decided it was time to visit a psychologist.

Side Note: My wife was my foundation through all of this. Even though she was pregnant and probably terrified about what was happening, she held me up the entire way. She was always supportive and helped me stay as positive as possible. Despite fearing what her pregnancy would be like she ignored all that (or hid it inside) and made sure I cam out of this in one piece. That is what makes her the best wife. Ever. 

My psychologist, who specialized in cognitive behavior therapy, taught me two main things in our sessions over the next few months. The first was that today I am still walking, talking, and living a normal life. That was all that was under my control and that was how I should view my life until it changed. The second was a phrase she used. Action before motivation. Do it before you want to do it.

As the weeks turned into months, the doctors were not able to confirm or rule out MS. I had some dizzy spells, but no new clinical findings. I had some urinary issues, but again no new clinical findings. Months turned into years, along with the biannual visits to the MRI machine for my 2 hour scans, with no new findings. I went to multiple neurologists who disagreed with each other (and one time with their previous diagnosis) on the severity, or seriousness, or involvement of my symptoms. However over the last three and a half years we have not found another lesion anywhere in my central nervous system. As of today I am still officially in limbo. Due to the nature of MS, I will not be diagnosed (if I even have it) until a second clinical finding is made. However to some I am marked for life because of that one lesion. Forever in limbo where I don't have it, but many feel I will eventually. I have been denied life insurance on that grounds. I will have regular visits to the neurologist and MRI machine for the foreseeable future.

In the meantime I take anxiety medications and I have done a lot to change my lifestyle. I had always been an athlete but it was time to get serious. Nutrition, exercise, stress reduction, etc. That's where I come back to the slogans of the MS society and my psychologist. Keep moving. Action before motivation. That's when I found BeachBody and P90X. After my wife had our wonderful son she wanted to get in shape and lose her baby weight like most women do. I had seen a lot of ads for P90X and said let's give it a shot. That's when my journey began anew. That's how I ended up here.

I began with P90X and I loved it. I moved from that to P90X2, started running again, and eating healthier. Not perfect, but better. Something about the programs, and yes Tony Horton, hit home with me and I was hooked. I shared my stories everywhere. On Facebook, with my family and friends, at work. I was a living, walking, breathing billboard for P90X and BeachBody. A friend who also loved BeachBody started coaching and he told me I should do it. He said I was already doing the most important parts, which was sharing my success and being energetic. So in the fall of 2013, I purchased Insanity, which lives up to it's title, and I made the leap joining TeamBeachBody as a coach.

It has been a slow start, success doesn't come automatically, but I have started finally building my business by sharing my success story and helping others write theirs. I always keep those two phrases in mind. Keep moving. I keep moving every day. Both physically and in my business. Right now it's P90X3 that keeps me moving and energized. Push play every day. Keep moving ahead. Keep helping others write their stories. Action before motivation. Do it now. Don't wait. If you do it now it will be done. Whether it's your workout, a report at work, cleaning the house, or whatever. There is a pride that comes with pushing play when you don't want to. When you are finished you feel awesome, even if it was hard. You accomplished something you thought you couldn't. You aren't procrastinating and worrying all day. It's done. Besides if you wait until tomorrow, you might never get that chance.

That's where I am today. As of this post I have not been diagnosed with MS. Currently they call it non-specific neurological symptoms. Three plus years of clean MRIs. If I make it to 5 years clean they reduce the frequency of testing and I don't have to sit in that MRI tube every year anymore. If I am diagnosed someday then so be it. That day is not today, so today I keep moving. Right now there is no known cure for MS but what I know is this about life. Eating healthy and exercising has never been bad for anyone. That is the stuff I can keep under my control. I keep moving, I commit to action before motivation, and I push play every day, I eat whole, nutritious food 95% of the time. I will keep doing that until the day I can't anymore. I use my story as motivation to help others rewrite their stories.